


Catching up with Peter Stone

by fionabnd



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-05
Updated: 2018-12-15
Packaged: 2019-09-12 06:00:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 10,464
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16867444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fionabnd/pseuds/fionabnd
Summary: After two years away from your ex boyfriend, Peter Stone, you spend a few days days in New York and want to catch things with him... but it changed. He changed...





	1. Always have and always will.

(From You 8:19) : Hello Peter… how are you doing? I’m coming to New York from Monday to Sunday. Want to catch a drink?… Love, Y/N.

 

Scared to send that text but of course he wouldn’t refuse to see you. He misses you just like you miss him. Somehow, you know how it’s going to end but who cares? You just want to see him and be with him. You also need some answers. Answers he never gave you.

Waiting in front of your hotel, Peter was anxious. It’s been more than a year since you two saw each other, right before he left Chicago for New York. You broke up four months before that. He wonders if you changed, physically and mentally. If you were still feeling the same way for him. If you were dating someone else.

Here you were. Wearing a long coat and a hat, all he could see was your tattoos on your legs, under your thighs. You were wearing high heels. He loves when you wear these, it makes you taller; his lips right to your forehead. And it showcases your beautiful curves. He remembers your body just like if he saw it an hour ago. He knows it by heart, and he knows exactly what you like when he touches you. Your bodies are made for each other, he always believed in that.

“Hi…” You shyly said, when you got in front of him. After longs seconds, his lips reached for your forehead and he hugged you like he hasn’t done it for years.

“You look wonderful” He said. You thanked him before you two started to walk side to side. You both felt awkward at first.

“Wanna go to a restaurant?” He asked, not knowing what you are actually waiting for.

“I already ate with my boss. Do you know a nice bar around here?”

 

When you took off your coat, his heart missed a beat. You were wearing a short grey skirt with a nice black crop top that fits you perfectly. You smiled when you saw how he was looking at you.

“You still like what you see?” You said, playfully.

“Always have and always will.” You two sat next to each other with your drinks. Peter broke the silence.

“So tell me, how are you doing? Feeling good? Same work? Dating someone? How is your family?”

“I’m now an executive assistant, but I changed company. And I’m here because my boss wanted me to assist him on his meetings and the conferences, he trusts me so it helps me trusting myself…” He stopped you. “He wants to sleep with you.” You ironically laughed.

“Peter, don’t do this.”

“Oh come on! Don’t tell me he’s not touchy with you.”

“He’s not! He’s married and he loves his wife. I’ve met her a few times.”

“Yeah just like that professor you had when you were in college.”

“You were right for that one, okay! But not now!”

“We’ll talk about that in a few months.”

“If you dare answering my texts.”

“Your texts? I’ve never got any texts from you.”

“You kidding? I wanted to hear from you, how you were doing, especially when Pam died. But you never answered. I thought you met someone and didn’t want to hear from your ex.”

“I swear I don’t remember having texts from you. I thought you were the one that had someone and didn’t care about me anymore.”

“Always have and always will.”

 

Peter and you talked, laughed, confessed, just like you’ve never broke up. Nothing changed. He is still the same to you. His father’s death and then his sister’s broke him but with you, he felt complete again. For the first time in a year, he felt like himself. Happy.

“Want another mojito?” You approved and he moved to the counter to order. A few minutes later, he came back. Without any drinks. He didn’t look at you, his eyes were lost. He was shaking.

“Peter? Are you okay?” With concern, you got closer to him, passed your hand through his hair. But he didn’t say anything.

“Peter? Do you feel okay?”

“A woman… just… a woman just accused me… of assaulting her.” He had tears in his eyes.

“What? Is this some kind of jokes?”

He finally looked at you and you saw in his eyes he wasn’t joking.

 

When you got back to your hotel room, Peter was still sleeping on the bed. You put breakfast on the coffee table and sat next to him, starting to caresse his cheeks and hair. “Peter… wake up.”

He had difficulty opening his eyes. Hangover. He looked around the room. “How did we end up here?”

“My secret.” It wasn’t the first time you two drunk together and in the morning, he didn’t remember how you got home. You always find a way and don’t want to tell him. “Am I the only one who got drunk?”

“When I saw you drinking your beer in one swallow, I knew it was time for me to stop.”

“I’m sorry I don’t remember… except…”

“Yeah. That woman.”

“Y/N, I swear I…”

“Peter, I know. Not because you told me at least ten times last night, but I know you would never do that.”

“Did I say something else?”

“You sure you want to know?”

“Yeah.”

“You asked me to move in with you. When I said no, you asked me to marry you. When I said no, you started to kiss me, saying that you were going to make me pregnant,”

“Oh my god, what a dumbass.”

“It’s a good thing I know you.”

“I’m sorry, that’s not how I wanted this night to go on.”

“At least, one thing happened. You slept in my arms just like the old times.”

 

You brought breakfast to the bed, and you were almost feeding him just like you used to. It was silent.

“I’m going to ask the SVU Lieutenant to investigate.”

“Sorry? Peter, no. Why would you do this? I don't think it's a good idea.”

“I can’t live with this, I need to know what happened. There’s a reason she accused me of…” He couldn’t finish the sentence. It makes him sick just thinking about it.

“You are innocent, I know it, you know it, but hey, sometimes justice…”

“Don’t start again with that. We always end up in a fight when we start talking about laws and justice.”

You softly smiled. “And I always win!”

“Because you use arguments I can’t fight.”

He got off the bed and realize he was just in his underwear. “Did you undress me?”

“You striped.”

“Did I?!”

“No babe, I took off your clothes.” When you finished your sentence, you realized how you just called him. Babe… like the old times.

 

You know when Peter has something in mind, there’s no way you can make him change it. You listened his phone call to that Lieutenant, worried about what may happen. While he was still on the phone, you heard someone knocked at the door. Your boss. He got in your room before you could say anything. But he stopped when he saw that tall blond guy in his underwear. “Am I interrupting?” Your boss asked. Peter went in the bathroom to finish his call.

“Peter is an old friend…”

“Peter? Is he the infamous Peter?” He smiled.

“Yeah, that’s him.” You could feel your cheeks becoming red.

“Okay. We have to be at the conference in an hour. Be ready and well dressed.”

 

When your boss left the room, Peter got off the bathroom. His chest was still bare but he had his jeans on. He got close to you. Really close. “The infamous Peter?” He asked with a little smile.

“I guess everybody knows you’re the love of my life.”

Peter brought his hands to your face and kissed you tenderly. You never forgot the taste of his lips, since there are the only one you ever tasted. With your tongue on yours, you completely forgot everything. Why you broke up, his departure, your work, your depression after he left, how you never been able to forget him. It was just him and you. Your love. You were still feeling the same way for him, but was he?


	2. I hated You.

You haven’t heard from Peter the entire day, you had been on meetings and conferences with your boss. And tonight was no different, there was a working party you had to be. Your boss gave you an hour to get ready, so before getting in the shower, you took your phone and called Peter.

“Hi.” He simply said with nothing in his voice.

“Hello you. How are you? How was your day?”

“Not good but I don’t want to talk about it. I’m heading the bar from yesterday, join me?”

“I’m sorry, there’s a party I can’t miss. Raincheck?”

“Yes, sure.”

You didn’t have time to say anything, Peter hang up. You watched at your phone for a long moment, wondering if you should calling him back. But time was running out, you jumped in the shower and got prepared for the night.

9pm.

“I think I have the most beautiful assistant.” Your boss smiled. His compliment made you fell awkward, so you simply thanked him. As the two of you walked to the cab, he put his hand on the small of your back. It made you even more uncomfortable. Should you say something? Of course not, you don’t want to upset your boss.

“So you caught things with your ex boyfriend?” He asked to break silent, during the ride.

“We talked. We found each other again.”

“Are you going back with him or something?” You weren’t sure you wanted to talk about it with him.

“We’ll see, I guess.” You said, hoping it would end the conversation.

“I don’t think he deserves you.”

“You don’t know him, or anything about us!”

“I know why you broke up.”

You turned your face to look at this fifty five years old man, with white hair and beard. How could he know? You never said anything about that. Not to him, not to his wife. How did he know what happened between you and Peter?

You stayed silent until you got to the roof where the party was set. The room was already full. You realized what cliché things are. Male bosses with their female assistants. You straightly went to the bar to get some champagne. “I think we’re going to need this.” A woman said as the bartender gave champagne to you both. “Yeah. Well I hope our bosses won’t try something with us.” You toasted with her.

“Oh god no! It happened to me once, but he was so handsome, I couldn’t say no. But my new boss…ew. no way.”

You laughed at the face she made. “Lucky you! Why did you change your work place then?”

“I was just there for a few months, his real assistant was on maternity leave for about 8 months. But we still see each other every now and then. By the way, my name is Dana.”

“Y/N. I’m from Chicago. Nice to meet you.”

“Oh! First time in New York?”

You were about to answer when your boss came to you, with another man. “You two already met, that’s good.” You got introduced to the other man, who was actually Dana’s boss. In the future, their companies will work together, so you’ll work with Dana anytime soon. You already feel like she can become your New York friend.

Later that night, after a lot of champagne, you found yourself dancing on the dancefloor with Dana, totally forgetting it was a work party. “What do you think we get out of here and go to a real club?” Dana asked, finishing her glass. You nodded and the two of you went at your bosses. “Can we leave?” She asked.

“So soon?”

“Yeah, we’re pretty tired.” Such a bad liar.

“You two are just going to drink and dance somewhere else. Let’s us drive you.” You really couldn’t refuse. Dana’s boss had his own car, she gave him the adress of the club she wanted to go. “I’m gonna text my man to join us. He can bring a friend of his, he has a really really cute coworker.” Dana whispered.

All you could think about was Peter. The idea of ending this night with another man than him made you sick. “He doesn’t have to bring his friend.”

“Oh! Someone’s waiting for you in Chicago?” This time, she forgot to whisper.

“Oh no! She just hopes she will see her ex later tonight.” Your boss answer for you. “But I’m pretty sure she won’t see him.”

“Thanks boss.”

“Come on, Y/N. Forget that guy, you broke up two years ago.”

“Okay, I’m gonna ask Peter to come with Sonny.”

How could her Peter actually be your Peter?! When Dana jumped in his arms and kissed him, you could swear you felt your heart stopped. Your vision became blur, maybe because of the alcohol. You don’t know how your legs managed to bring you out of the club. You didn’t hear Dana calling from you. You didn’t notice hitting that Sonny guy as you walked out. On the street, the cold froze your body, you felt out of air. You sit on the first bench you saw.

“Y/N…” You heard. Peter sat next to you, you immediately tried to get up and leave but your body didn’t follow.

“Leave me alone.” You didn’t even look at him. You could smell his scent and that was already enough.

“Don’t tell me you haven’t been with anyone since I left.” He said.

“I tried. I tried so hard to forget you with someone else. But I couldn’t. It never worked.”

“and what do you think I’m doing?! You’re the one that broke up with me.”

You finally looked at him. Your eyes was red because of the tears, but it was dark inside them. “I broke up because you made me had an abortion, Peter!” You didn’t realize you were yelling in the street. “I was carrying your baby. Our baby. I was so happy about it. And you ruined it. You ruined what we had and could have had.”

Peter wiped his tears before they could fall on his cheeks.

“I wasn’t ready… It was too early to have a baby.”

“We were dating for 4 years, Pete… We had an appartment, jobs. We were in love… It was a baby made by love.”

“I know…” He whispered, but couldn’t hold his tears anymore. “I am so sorry. I was so stupid back then… If I could take it back…”

“You can’t. I hated you. And then I hated myself because I wasn’t able to forget you. You…” More tears was falling on your cheeks. “You have no idea what you put me through. It took me a whole year to just try to live again. Every month I was looking at my belly and said to myself it shouldn’t be so flat. In june, when I was supposed to give birth to our baby, I was a total mess. I weighed under 40kg. And you were not there. Sometimes I look at old pictures of us and I wonder how can I still be so in love with you. But I guess it’s right, sometimes the one that hurt you is the only one that can make things right again.”

Peter listened to you without saying anything. He never realized how hard it was for you. He never imagined you were feeling that bad. Because of him, because of a decision he made for the both of you. You respected him so much, you couldn’t have the child without him being okay with it. When he got the offer to move to New York, he took to be so far away from you. He knew you hated him and you had every right to, so he decided to move away, to let you have your life of your own. Maybe it was the second dumb decision he made.

You both stayed silent on that bench, crying, until Dana came with Sonny right behind.

“Can someone explain to me? Why are both crying like babies?” She asked, totally drunk.

“Dana, it’s not the time.” Peter tried to calm her.

“Pete, who is she?”

“Pete.” You repeated in a nervous laugh.

“Dana, I said it’s not the time.”

“I’m not going anywhere until you give me some explanations.”

“Okay,” you stood up. “Sonny boy, tell me you came with your own car, please?”

“Tell me where I drop you.” He kindly said, as he took your hand to help you to walk.

“Y/N…” Peter started but stopped when you turned back to him. He knows that look all too well. That one he knows he better shut up.

“You take care of your drunk woman, and you forget I’m in New York, okay? I shouldn’t have text you. I don’t know what I was thinking…”

You turned around and Peter watched you walked away, with your arm holding Sonny’s.


	3. The next morning

When you woke up the next morning, you were on a leather cough in an apartment you never saw before. Under the blanket, you were still wearing your dress from last night. You could still feel your makeup on, “I must look like a panda.” You thought.

“A cute little panda. Good morning, beautiful.”

Sonny. You tried to remember the end of the night.

“You want something to drink?” Sonny asked you, from the kitchen.

“A beer, please.” He came back right after with a glass of water. “You better tell me it’s vodka.” But it was really just water.

“I think you have drink enough alcohol for tonight.” You grumbled in your teeth which made Sonny laugh. “I’m sorry, that’s probably not how you wanted your night to end.”

“I wasn’t excepted anything actually. I met Peter at the bar to make sure he wasn’t drinking a lot like usually and he got the text from Dana. I just followed.”

“He really has a drinking problem right?”

“Yea. Since his sister died, he is depressed but doesn’t want to admit it.”

“He is too proud. Don’t except him to tell it out loud even if he knows it deep inside.”

“That’s unfortunate, Peter is a great guy but he is ruining his life.” Hearing Sonny saying that Peter is a great guy made you smile. Of course he is, you know it all too well. “I’m sorry for you too. You wanted Batman and you end up with Robin.”

“I don’t mind. You’re a cute Robin. Plus, I guess I had to go through this. And dating Batman may be too dangerous.”

“You don’t like taking risks?” A question full of sense. It took you a moment before answering.

“I’m almost 30, I don’t think I want to take risks anymore. I just want a simple life you know… I love my job, but it’s all I got. I see my sister and my brother with kids, their families, their houses. And there’s me. We do family lunch every sunday, and I’m always alone since…”

“He left.” Sonny ended for you. “I have three sisters, the only boy and I never brought a woman those lunches.” You turned to look his ocean blue eyes. How can a man like him still be single?

“Are you gay, Sonny?”

He laughed. “Why do people think that? Am not.”

“It’s just I don’t understand how you never had an enough serious relationship to bring a girl to your family.”

“Italian and catholic, not easy in New York.”

“Are you a virgin, and waiting for wedding to do it and all that stuff.” He laughed again. It was almost a melody to your ears.

“I’m seriously going to show you that I’m not a virgin or gay.” You could see in his smile he was joking, but you got so lost in his beautiful eyes, that alchohol spoke for you. “Go on.” You added. And then there was silence. He finished his glass and you did the same. You started to feel sleepy so you lay down on the cough and that’s the last thing you remember.

“Hi Robin.” You slightly smiled.

“Coffee? Or aspirin?” He was wearing a sweatpants and a tank top that fit his body perfectly. You can see his muscle underneath it.

“Both, please. What time is it?” You asked, still under the cover.

“7am.” He smiled, as he brought the drinks and sat on the cough, next to your feet.

“Oh my God, no way!” You brought the cover to your face and buried it in the pillow.

“Not working today?” He playfully pulled the covers away.

“Don’t know. I know I’m leaving tomorrow.” You looked at him as he drinks his coffee.

“I guessed you live in Chicago.”

“I was just here for work. I will never forget my first time in New York.” You sat up and he handed you your coffee. “Thanks,”

“You will have to come back. That’s not good to stay on a bad memory.”

“I’m not sure I want to be near Peter anymore.”

When you got to New York, you texted Peter because you needed answers. You needed to know why he did what he did. You thought he had really good reasons but after last night, you realized he doesn’t have none.

“It’s a good thing NYC is big.”

“Wanna see me again, Robin?”

“Would like to, sweet panda.”

You remembered about your makeup. You most looked horrible. You moved to the bathroom and saw all the eyeliner and mascara under your eyes. “Is there any chance a girl left some makeup remover here?” You asked.

“Sorry.” He simply answered. You thought for a second.

“Do you have olive oil?”

“I’m Italian, I bleed olive oil.” You could hear him going to the kitchen and coming to the bathroom. The door was not close but almost and you saw his hand with the oil passing through the small space. You smiled and opened the door. “I’m not naked.”

“Didn’t want to see things.” You looked confuse. “I mean, I would love to but…” you looked more confuse but with a smile on your face. “I’m gonna finish my coffee and shut up.”

Before he left the bathroom, you saw his cheeks becoming red. You removed your makeup the best you could and went back to the cough, next to Sonny. You could feel how embarrassed he was. “I’d be liar if I said I’m not imagining what’s under your shirt.” He smiled without looking at you.

“You’re my friend’s ex. We can’t…”

“Do you think he would care if he was at your place?” Probably not but that’s not who Sonny is. He is a good man and a good friend, you can tell.

“You are hurt, y/n. Jealous. You may feel betray too. Which is totally normal. But don’t do something you may regret. I’m gonna take a shower.”

Before he got to the bathroom, you called him. He turned around to look at you. “If we met in different circumstances, something would have happened between us?”

“For sure.” He didn’t even thought before answering. “You are totally my kind of woman, not just physically. But I can see you’re a broken heart. But if you need a friend, I’m here. Okay?”

While Sonny was under the shower, you plugged your phone which died in the night. You had a text from your boss, you have the day off. You also had 5 missing calls from Peter, 3 texts and 1 voice mail.

[From Peter 1:37am] : are you sleeping?

[From Peter 2:19am] : where are u? Im at your door. Are u at Sonny’s???

[From Peter 2:25am] : answer damnnnit

[Voice mail from Peter 2:56am] : I sent you right in his arms right? Oh my God. Imagining you in his bed it’s driving me crazy. Don’t do this please, mon amour. I love you. I always have and always will! You’re the only one. I dumped Dana, she means nothing to me. It’s you, it’s always been you. Let me prove it to you, please. Don’t fall in Sonny’s arms. I know he’s cute but he will never love you as I do, nobody will. I’m yours forever. Are you still mine? My love, my baby… it’s not alcohol speaking, it’s me, only me. I want to marry you, to have a baby with you. Stay in New York, with me. Please? I can’t imagine my life without you. My woman, je t'aime. I can’t hang up. I want to hear your voice, I want you to answer! Answer to me, y/n!!! Take your tongue out of Sonny’s throat and answer for God sa… bip. Bip. Bip.


	4. First time

When Sonny got off the bathroom all dress up ready to go to work, he saw you crying. He asked you what was going on and you made him listen Peter's voice mail.  
"He was drunk obviously. I can tell him that nothing happened between us."   
"That's not why I'm crying actually. He can think what he wants, I don't care."  
"Why are you crying then?"   
"Because this is not the Peter I dated. It's not the man I fell in love with. I don't know how to explain..."   
"Unfortunately, people changes sometimes. For the best or for the worst. And for what it worth, I think he's just lost. And the question is ; do you want to help him to find himself again?"   
"I..."  
"Hey, I'm not asking you to answer. Just think about it. You can finish your night in my bed if you want. All I'm asking you is either drop the keys at the precinct or be there when I come home. Is that okay?"   
You weren't really listening to Sonny. All you heard was keys, precinct and home. Before leaving, he brought you close to him and hold you in his arms for a few seconds. "Thank you Robin..." you kissed him on the cheek. His skin was soft and salty. He kissed you on your forehead and left.   
Should you answer to Peter? Should you take care of him? Trying to help him through his depression and alcoholism? You were no sure you had the strength for it. Going through your own depression was already hard enough. 

Sonny was at his desk, it was lunch time and Fin brought Chinese. Amanda was eating for two and Olivia was in her office, doing some paper work.  
"Who's playing?" Amanda asked as the guys were talking about tonight football's game.   
"I have no idea but who cares. Are you in, Carisi?"   
Sonny was about to answer but he got cut off. "I'm sure Carisi has better things to do tonight, don't you?" Peter asked. He was about to exploded. Sonny didn't know what to say, where to start. But he has nothing to feel guilty about.   
"Wanna join us, counselor?" Fin asked, noticing anything.   
"No thanks detective. Carisi, can I talk to you for a sec?" Sonny put his food away and follow Peter to an empty room.   
"Where is she?"   
"At my place."  
"In your bed?!"  
"Probably."   
"You son of..." Peter had his fist in the air, ready to hit him but Sonny took a step back before the fist touched his face.   
"Oh! Calm down Stone. I told her to finish her night in my bed because my cough ain't comfortable."   
"You didn't sleep with her?" Peter let his hands down.   
"I'm not you. I don't sleep with girls I just met."   
Peter sat and put his face in his hands. "She hates me, right?"  
"She is...lost."   
"Tell me the truth, Carisi."   
"You want the truth, Peter? Okay. She doesn't hate you but she doesn't recognize you. She made me listen your voice mail. It made her cry. Not because she was feeling guilty and jealous but because the man that called her wasn't the man she was in love with. She doesn't hate you, but she doesn't love you either. She loves the man you were, the man she met. But you are no longer this guy. She knows it and you damn well know it. But do you accept it?" 

Sonny waited for Peter to answer something but he didn't. He didn't say anything, just staring at an invisible point.   
"She is at my apartment, you know the address if you want to talk to her."  
As he walked out of the room, Sonny hated himself. He wasn't selfish enough to try to keep the woman he always dream of for him. When he got back to his office, he didn't even finish his food but threw it away. "You okay Carisi?" Fin asked.  
"Yea." But he wasn't. A part of him doesn't want to give Peter a chance to be back with you. "He doesn't deserve her..." he thought to himself. A few seconds later, Peter was about to leave but Olivia told him to come to her office. They stayed in it for a long moment, “Carisi, can you call y/n and tell her to meet me at my office as soon as possible?” Stone asked, about to leave for good.  
“Why would I do that?”   
“Just do it. I’m sure she will tell you everything later.” Peter left and everyone looked at Sonny, confuse.  
“Did you guys hook up with the same girl or what?” Fin said.  
“Not exactly.” Sonny went to the rest room to call you. You were still sleeping and didn’t even look at who was calling before answering.  
“Hello?”   
“Wake up sleepy head.” He smiled.  
“huummm,” you growled. “Calling me is not the best way to wake me up even if you have a beautiful voice, Robin.”  
“Believe me it’s going get worse.”  
“What?”  
“Peter wants you to meet him at his office as soon as possible. That’s his words.”  
“Why would I do that?” Sonny smiled, remembering he said the exact same sentence a few minutes ago.  
“He didn’t want to tell me why. Want me to come with you?”  
“At your place in an hour?”  
“Will be there, doll”  
“Doll?” you repeated with a smile across your face.  
“Yea, sorry. You don’t like it?”  
“Only from your month. Do you mind if I was steal something from your dressing?”  
“What’s mine’s yours.” 

Sonny waited for you in his car. When you got in, he noticed you were wearing a slim black jeans of his that you rolled up at your ankles, and his Fordham law sweatshirt. He smiled. He loved seeing you wearing his stuff. “No comment” you said.   
“Not even a good one?” he started to drive.   
“Alright, I'm listening your lie.”  
“First it's not a lie. And second, it suits you pretty well. Not better than your dress for last night, but still…”   
“I dressed like a boy until I was 16.” you confessed.   
“You were hiding your body, weren't you?”   
“There was nothing to hide, but yeah, I was.”   
“From what I saw, you have a really nice body. No need to hide anymore.”   
You stayed silent, remembering that Peter was the one that made you confident with your body. He was always telling you how much he loves every part of you that you didn't love. 

 

“You needed that puppy behind you?” Peter said angerly as you entered his office with Sonny right behind you.  
“Yes, be careful he can turn to a nasty pitbull.”  
“Very funny. But I want to speak alone with you.”  
You turned to Sonny and smiled a bit to reassure him. He left and you sat across Peter’s desk. “You used to wear my sweatshirt before.” he said, looking at Sonny's shirt you had on. “You look better with the Cubs one.”   
“Same size. Just the smell is different.” you simply added.   
“I don’t want us to hate one another, y/n.”  
“I don’t hate you, Pete..r.”   
“Is there something with Sonny?”   
You paused. “You made me come to your office for that?”  
“No. Sorry. I actually need your brother’s number, or a way to talk to him.”  
“Why that?” He lay in his chair, searching for words.   
“That girl… that accused me of rape. She said it happened one night, in a hotel room, here in New York.”  
“When was it?”  
“10 years ago.” He stayed silent to let you think about it. You met Peter when you were 15 and he was 22. He was your brother’s best friend, they played baseball together. You remembered that weekend they spent in New York. Your brother was there too. Does he know something about it?  
“What do you want to ask him?”  
“Just to know what he remembers.”   
“Is she sure you’re the one that…” you paused. His heart broke. He can see doubt in your eyes, he can hear it in your voice. “I mean, maybe you two just had sex but she doesn’t remember.”   
“Want me to be honest? All I know is that I woke up the next morning with a huge hangover and alone.” he got off his chair. He looked tired, exhausted. “Say it, Y/N. Say you think I raped that girl! I know you think so. Let’s face it, I fucked you when you were 17. It's rape too, isn't it?” Now, it’s your heart that broke. You never thought he would talk about your first night like that.

Peter and your brother were roomates. You were having your fourth date with Nate but it went so wrong this time. His parents were not there and the two of you started to make out on the cough. You asked him to go slowly, to be careful and kind but he just thought about him, tried to get inside you by surprise which hurt you. You wanted your first time to be special, but Nate made you uncomfortable. After you asked him to stop, he started to insult you, saying how horrible your body was. The last thing he told you was that you missed your chance and any other man would want you.   
When you got to your brother’s apartment, all you found was a shirtless Peter in a basketball short watching the tv. He didn’t had time to say anything, you broke in tears in his arms. He knew you were having a date with Nate, he immediately thought the worst.  
“Sweetheart, what happened?! Did Nate do…?” he paused. Seeing cry was breaking his heart, imagining you being harmed by anyone made him sick from the inside.   
“Just hold me, Pete. Please.” He took care of you until you calmed down.  
“Where’s Gabriel?” You asked.  
“Out with the guys.”  
“Why are you here?”  
“Didn’t want to go out. I wanted to stay home for the night. Anyway, are you going to tell me what happened with that idiot?”  
You explained Peter what happened and after your speech, a few more tears run down on your cheeks. He wiped them with his thumb and took your head to his bare chest. “He doesn’t deserve your tears. He doesn’t deserve you, love. Don’t cry for a guy like that, please.”  
“I’m not crying for him, Pete.”  
“Why are you crying?”   
“Because what he said was right.”  
“Excuse me?” He lift up and you followed. He wanted to look you in the eyes.  
“Peter, look at me. I’m skinny. I don’t have breasts and my ass...well I wonder where it is. I’m pale. I don’t wear high heels, or dresses or skirts… I look li…” you were cut off by Peter’s lips on yours. He was holding your face and made small circles with his thumb. It was tender, sweet, soft. Anything like Nate. After a long moment, he separated his face from yours but was still holding it with his hands. “Don’t ever underestimate you like this. Not physically, not mentally. I don’t ever want to hear things like that from your...sweet lips.” You didn’t say anything, just kissed him again. This time, it was more anger, more passionate. You end up on his laps, with one hand on your back and the other on your hip. His tongue made his way between your teeth.   
“Stop, stop.” He tried to pull you away. “We can’t do this.” You stopped and stayed on his laps for a second, looking at him. You felt rejected. Repulsive. You stood up and went to the kitchen, silently crying again. You stayed against the counter until Peter came, and stood a few inch away from you. He wiped your tears for the second time tonight. “I thought for a second that I was attractive.” you confessed.   
“You are, Y/N. You are attractive. I kissed you because I wanted to. And I didn't stop you because I'm not attracted to you. I am. But it's wrong. And you are mature enough to understand that.”  
“I'm not a kid anymore Peter.”   
“Thank you, I got that a long time ago. But you're my best friend's little sister. I will never be able to look him in the eyes if something happens between us.”   
“Okay,” you whispered and got your body closer to his. “now, if you forget about my brother, would you make love to me?” you brushed his chest with your fingertips. You saw goosebumps on his skin. He took a deep breath and hold your hand to break contact.  
“What if tomorrow you regret it? What if you wake up and think it shouldn't have happened? It will destroy our friendship. I don't want to lose you for sex.”   
“I'm the virgin and you are afraid it might go wrong? You are still my thunder, Stone.” you managed to make him smile. “I love your smile” you added.   
“Do you know you are the only one that can make me smile under any circumstances?”  
“I didn't but I'm glad to hear it. Can I make you smile while we are having sex?”   
His guard was falling so you decided to try to kiss him again. On tip-top, you reached his lips with yours. It was shy at first but then he made it deeper. He put his hands on your hips before grabbing you and caring you to his bedroom. He gently put you on the bed but his lips never left yours. His hands went under your shirt before pull it out of you. As he undressed you, you felt shy about your body. “Don't hide your body, love. You are beautiful.” his words and the way he was looking at you made you more comfortable. He was on top of you and you could feel him becoming hard. You just had your panties on and he still had his basketball short. As he kissed his way on your neck, your collarbone and your breasts, you tried to reach his short to get it off but he stopped your hands. “Let me take care of you,” hearing those words from his mouth made you moaned. He softly took off your panties and started to kiss your legs and thighs. When his tongue first touched your center, you felt embarrassed but it only last for a second. Pleasure took you by surprise and you moaned his name which excited him more. “you okay?” he asked.   
“It's perfect Pete.” you whispered. After he took care of you for several minutes, he came back to your lips and you felt how hard he was. Again, you tried to reach his short and crotch to return the favor but he stopped your hand intertwined his fingers with yours. “It's not about me tonight. It's all about you.” he confessed in your mouth.   
“But I want you to have pleasure too.”   
“I'm going to make love to you, this idea alone gives me pleasure.”  
When he finally got entirely naked, you were surprised by his size. And got scared it may hurt a bit. He was disturbed by your look. “Love, if you're not sure, we can stop. Just tell me.”   
“No way. I want you to be my first, Peter.”  
And he was your first. And nobody ever knew about it.


	5. Not playing

Peter was on the cough, a glass of scotch in front of him. He had his head in his hands before putting them through his hair. When he took the glass to drink it, you moved from the chair and pulled it out of his hand. “You should stop it, Peter.” your voice broke. You hated seeing like that. You sat on the coffee table in front of him. “What if I did it?” he asked, not even looking at you. You kneeled, took his hands in yours and kissed them gently. “I’m gonna call Gabriel. Whatever he remembers, I’m sure it will innocent you. I don’t think you did it, love. And I’m worried for you. I really am.”

Before Peter could said anything, Sonny knocked at the door and got in. When he saw the two of you like this, his heart missed a beat. You were so close to Peter, the love between you filled the office. “I’m sorry, Liv called and I got to go. Do I drop you somewhere?” You thought for a second, looking at both Peter and Sonny. You couldn’t let Peter like this. “It’s okay, I’ll take a cab.” You stood up and walked Sonny out of the office, closing the door behind you. “I’m sorry…” you started. Sonny got close to you and kissed you on the forehead.

“He is lucky to have you. Take care of him. And if you want to say goodbye before leaving, you know where to find me.”

He started to walk away but you caught his hand and when he turned around, your lips instantly met his. “I can’t leave without kissing you goodbye. And I’ll have to return you your clothes.”

“I text you when I leave work, okay?” he kissed you again.

“Sure. And Sonny, I’m not playing with you. I’m just scared for him. He needs me.” you confessed.

“I know. But don’t forget yourself, right?”

“Promise.”

Sonny kissed you one last time before leaving. You walked again into Peter’s office. The glass you took of his hands early was now empty. You sat next to him. “You kissed him.” He said, as his fists hit the table. He was angry, hurt, lost, disturbed. You looked confuse. “It’s not walls, it’s windows, Y/N. You could have done it somewhere else than in my damn office.” you could see his hands shaking, his jaw clenched. You don’t know if you feel guilty about kissing Sonny, you wanted to. But maybe he’s right, you shouldn’t have done it here and now.

“I’m sorry, Peter.”

“Stop!” He yelled and jumped from the cough. “Stop calling Peter. Stop being so distance from me. Stop acting like I’m just a friend. I need you. I need your love.” his voice broke. He was crying. You stood up and held him before his knees gave up. You can’t remember how many times you held him like that. Even with your short size and small body, Peter always used to rest on you. Mentally and physically. He kept crying on the neck. You felt his tears on your skin which made you silently cried too. He grabbed your neck like a baby. “I am miserable. I’ve lost you. My father died. My sister got killed because of me and I may have raped a girl. When did my life went so wrong?”

“When I had the abortion,” you thought to yourself. “You need help, love.” you simply said but he shooked his head. “I need you.” he responded.

You stayed like this a long moment, holding and caring him. You were giving small kisses on his shoulder, one hand in his back and the other in his hair. You knew this was calming him down. “It’s gonna be okay” you kissed him on the cheek and wiped his tears.

“Not if you date Carisi.”

“Peter, I’m leaving by the end of the week. I’m going back to Chicago, I’m not planning on dating someone I won’t ever see.”

“Why did you kiss him? Here? As I was a few steps away? Why? You wanted to hurt me? Because it’s mission accomplished.”

You opened your mouth but shut it, not sure you should say what you had in my mind. “Whatever is it, just say it. I can’t be more down than I already am.”

“For the first time in years, I met someone that makes me not thinking of you.”

“Man down,” he held his chest. “man down.”

“You told me to say it.”

“I thought you would say that you wanted to make me feel what you felt yesterday. Or something like that.”

Avoiding the conversation, you took your phone from your purse. Your boss had been texting you but you didn’t care. You called your brother and put it on speaker.

“Hi sis!” Gabriel answered. “How’s New York?”

“Could be better.” You paused when you saw Peter having an ironical laugh which gave time for your brother to talk.

“You have seen Peter, haven’t you?” They haven’t talk since you had the abortion. They almost fight that time and Gabriel kinda hates his former best friend and brother-in-law.

“I’m with him right now. You’re on speaker.”

“Why are you calling me with that bastard next to you? Yeah you can hear me, Stone…”

“Gabe.” you cut him. “It’s important.” 

“What ? Are you pregnant?”

“Not funny.” Peter growled. 

“Both of you, stop. Gabriel, do you remember that weekend you, Peter and the team spent in New York, 10 years ago?”

“I… I think so, yes. Why?” You looked at Peter to know if he wanted to ask the questions but he stayed silent. 

“Do you remember a girl that end up in… Peter’s hotel room?”

“We all ended in his room.”

“But there was a girl, Gabriel.”

“Not just one, sis.”

“I-I don’t care about that. Do you remember a girl named…”

“Sarah.” Peter ended your sentence. Gabriel stayed silent for a second. “Yeah, I do. I remember her because it’s disturbed me how she was looking so much like you.” Your eyes stayed on Peter who was trying to analyze and remembered this night. He stood up and took the phone from your hand, put the speaker off and talk to your brother. “Have I done something to… With her?” - “Was I making out with her or trying to?” - “She is saying something happened that night but I was so out of it.” - “Did I?” - “Yeah I remember that my jaw hurt the next morning.” - “Okay…” - “Okay, I’ll talk to Roger. Thanks.” 

He handed your phone back and started to grab his your coat. “I’ll call you later Gabe. I love you” 

“Love you too. Take care of you, please.” you hung up and stopped Peter before he left. 

“what did Gabriel tell you?” Things started to build back in his memory. “I wanted to seduce this girl because… Because she was just like you. And I was so drunk that I confessed your brother about… Us. He hit me. Then he left my room but Sarah and Roger was still there.”

 

You followed Peter to Roger’s bar. As the two of you walked, he was a few steps in front of you, thanks to his tall legs. “Pete, wait for me. I don’t walk as quick as you.” You almost ran to be at his size. He walked more slowly but you took his hand so he will have to wait for you. When you got to the bar, Peter stopped. “Wait for me” he said.

“No way, I’m coming with you.” you gave him no time to interjected and walk in the bar. “Oh my god! Y/N, is that you?” he smiled and hugged you. “You looked wonderful!” he saw Peter behind you. “You two are back together?”

“Even if we are not, you better take away your hands from her.”

“Still jealous, huh?” Roger laughed but Peter wasn’t. You walked the two of them in the back and sat. Peter asked the same questions he asked your brother. But from Roger’s story, he left right after Gabriel to let Peter and Sarah do their thing. You don’t buy it and hoped that Peter either. “The next morning, you told us how great she was in bed.” Roger stated. “No offense Y/N, it was before the two of you dated.” He smiled. It was creepy. You could feel Peter’s fists getting closed so you took his hand to calm him down. Gabriel didn’t talk about the next morning.

“Where was my brother the next morning?” you asked.

“I don’t know, we found him back only when we left for Chicago.” of course, Peter confessed him he had sleep with you.

“Want something to drink guys?”

“No thanks,” you answered for the both of you. “We are leaving” without dropping Peter’s hand, you walked out of the bar and turned around to face him. You could how disturbed he was.

“Why would I have done it with a girl looking like you, since I had you? You were the only one since the first time, our first time. I-I promise.”

“Hey, we are not officially dating back then. Even if the two of you had sex, why is she saying you raped her?”

“I need to call Liv.”

While he was talking to Liv, you looked at the texts your boss left you. It looked important so call him. “Y/N, my god, where have you been?” he said, out of breath.

“Sorry boss, I…”

“Anyway,” he cut you. “I just got to the airport, I have to go back to Chicago.”

“Why? Is everything ok?”

“My wife fell in the stairs, she is at the hospital.”

“Oh my god, is she okay? Do you want me to came back with you?”

“She has a broken ankle and broken ribs but she is gonna be okay. I have a meeting at 4 with Mr Troski, it’s very important, can you attend it for me?” Mr Troski. You remembered that name. Dana’s boss. Damn it.

“Yes sure, where it is?”

“I sent you everything you need. Check your mails.”

“I will, I take care of it.”

“Thanks Y/N, you’re a lifesaver. Gonna wait for my flight, bye.”

You and Peter ended your phonecalls at the same time. “I have to go to the precinct to see Liv.” He said.

“And my boss had to go back to Chicago, so I have a meeting at 4. A meeting where your wonderful woman will be there.”

“She is not. Never was. You are my wonderful woman.”

He slowly brought his lips to yours but when they met, you turned your head as slowly. “Peter…”

“Got it. Carisi is the one you want to kiss.” He said as he walked away. You watched him leave, you wanted to catch him back, not leaving him this way but you just stayed there. Watching him walk away.


	6. Chapter 6

[From Sonny 3:08pm] : What happened with Peter? He threatened me in front of the squad. I almost broke his arm to defend myself. Can I see you, please? 

Peter arrived at the precinct, he rushed to Olivia's office who was looking at the interrogation Fin and Sonny was doing for another case. She turned off the mic and looked at the agitated ADA.   
“I'm sure Roger did it, Liv. I swear.”   
“I know, the investigation always goes back to him. I'll do my best to get him to confess.”   
“I thought I did it, Olivia. I-” He shut his mouth, completely out of words. He doubted of him. You doubted of him. He really thought he did something to this girl.   
“It's gonna be okay, Peter.”   
Before they could go on, Sonny and Fin got out of the interrogation room. Seeing his face made Peter completely out of his mind. “You son of a bitch.” he jumped to Sonny, who took a step back but Fin stopped Peter in his move.   
“What the hell?” Olivia said, confuse.   
“I swear to god, Carisi, if you touched her again in any way, I'll destroy you. I-”  
“No threats in my office, counselor. You know you can't go that.”   
Peter was exhausted, he hadn't sleep for the last two days. He couldn't think clearly, his entire body was shaking, his heart hadn't been calm for hours. Fin was still holding him to prevent him for reaching Sonny.   
“She is not yours anymore, Peter.” Sonny knew he shouldn't had say it but he did and it drove Peter more mad than he already was. He managed to get out off Fin's arms and was about to hit Sonny with his fist but the detective caught the ADA's arm in the air and locked it behind his back.   
“Guys, stop it!” Liv yelled.   
“You better not try to hit me one more time, counselor.” Sonny threatened as he let him go.   
“Stay away from her, Carisi. I'm not kidding.” Peter said as he left the precinct. 

[To Sonny 3:10pm] : I have a work meeting at 4, we can meet after. Are the two of you okay?   
[From Sonny 3:11pm] : Could be better. See you. 

When you noticed Dana wasn't there, you secretly thanked god. You did your best to concentrate on work but Sonny and Peter were all you could think about. “You nervous?” Mr Troski asked, as he saw your legs moving on the chair.   
“Yea, humm, no work related. I'm sorry.”   
“Nevermind. We can schedule it later when your boss will be available.”   
“No, it's okay. We can start.”   
It was the longest hour you've been through but you managed to do what you had to. You left the building proud of your professionalism, but when you took your phone, your hands started to shake again. Peter had been trying to call you 3 times, a few minutes ago. You decided to call him back before meeting Sonny.   
“My love…” he started.   
“Pete, what the hell happened? Where are you?” you could hear noise behind him. He must be in a bar, like always. “I'm on my way, tell me where you are.”   
He gave you the location of the bar he was. When you got there, he was sitting at the counter with a beer. Without seeing anything, you drunk his beer in one swallow. “Let's go” you stated. Peter was too tired to fight back, you got up and started to follow you but a man stood in front of you. “You are not going anywhere.” The man said.   
“Excuse me?” You tried to make your way out of the bar but this guy pulled out a gun from his pocket and pointed it at you and Peter. In a second, Peter put you behind him to protect you for the gun.   
“Everybody out!” The guy yelled at all the clients. They all ran out of the bar, without trying to understand. The bartender tried to call the man down but he pointed the gun at him and ordered he leaves too which he did. It was just you, Peter and this guy.   
“Let's me see that cute girlfriend of yours.” Peter understood who he was. Sarah's husband.   
“Let her out of here. She has nothing to do with this.”   
“She is dating a rapist like you. She does have something to do. Is he raping you too, beautiful?”   
Peter was holding you so close to him, you are way smaller than him, the man can't even see a part of your body.   
“Release her so I can see her face.”  
“No way! Gary you are doing this because you love your wife. I'm doing it because I love mine. Let her go, please.”   
“She ain't going anywhere. Let her talk!” You couldn't see Gary or the gun, you were so scared to just hear a bullet which could touch Peter. Your heart was beating so fast, you thought it could leave your chest. It's a good thing Peter was holding as your legs were shaking badly.   
“I'm listening” you said, trying to hold your tears.   
“Shut up!” Peter added.   
“Don't talk to her like that!” Gary yelled at Peter. His hands were shaking, he was sweaty. Without seeing him, you could feel how uncomfortable he was, which was way more dangerous. You took advantage when Peter was releasing you a bit so you moved on his side to face Gary. He immediately pointed the gun at you, and Peter followed the gun so you were behind him again.   
“Scared that your girl get hurt? How do you think I feel knowing what you did to my wife?!” he yelled.   
“I didn't Gary-”  
“Shut your mouth!” Gary cried.   
The three of you started to hear NYPD's cirens. You felt a bit relieved but you knew it wasn't over yet and Gary's gun was still point to Peter's head. 

“It’s my case. Is there just the two of them?” Olivia asked the officers.   
“No there's a woman but Mr Stone is protecting her, he hold her behind him.”  
It didn't took long for Sonny to realize you were that girl. He took his phone, he had no texts or phone calls from you. His hands started to shake, knowing that you were in danger. He tried to reassure himself as he knows Peter would surely took a bullet for you. But he wasn't thinking as a detective anyway. He tried to call you without mention it to anyone. 

Your phone rang from your purse. Peter and you knew it was Sonny. Without putting the gun down, Gary grabbed your purse and took your phone out. “Whose Sonny?” he asked.   
“One of my detectives. He just want to talk.”  
“Talk,huh? Did you let my wife talk when you were raping her?” He threw the phone so hard on the wall it broke in pieces. 

*bip bip bip* “Damn it!” Sonny yelled at his phone.   
“Carisi it's not the time to make phone calls!”   
“I was trying to call Y/N, Lieu. She is the woman inside.”  
“Who is she, Carisi?”  
“Stone's ex girlfriend.”   
“Is she the one you had been fighting for?”  
“Yes.” He admitted, ashamed.   
“We will talk about that later. For now, just act like a fucking cop.”   
“Yes, Lieu. Sorry.”

“How long have you been together?” Gary asked.   
“6 years.” Peter said even if it wasn't really true.   
“I'm with Sarah since 12 years. We have a daughter together. I love them more than anything in this world,” he was crying “I was nothing before I met her. She is the best thing that ever happened to me and I-I let a bastard like you harmed her.”  
“I know how you feel Gary. Y/N is my diamond. I was nothing either before her. And if I lose her, my life is over. She is the reason I became a lawyer. I wanted to be the best man she could ever ask for. We officially dated 6 years ago, but we met 5 years before that,” Peter was speaking slowly, but Gary was so unsure about what he was doing, he just listened. “2 years after we met, we had our first time. I was her first. And since that first night we made love, I haven't been with another girl than her. Just for that reason, I couldn't have done anything to your wife.”  
Gary wanted to believe him, but he wasn't sure yet. “Is this true?” He asked you. Since Peter wasn't holding you anymore, you moved in front of him. The gun was a few inch from your face but you know Gary doesn’t want to hurt you.   
“Love,” Peter interjected, but you raised your hand to make him stop talking.   
“It's true, Gary. He was my first and only one. He hadn't done anything to your wife, I know it deep inside me. I'm sorry something happened to her, but Peter has nothing to do with it. If he was a rapist, or such a bad man, do you think I would be there, between the gun and him? Do you really think I could die for him?” You looked Gary in the eyes, searching for his sympathy, his understanding.   
“You look so much like Sarah” He cried.   
“I'm sure she loves you the way I love him. She wouldn't want something to happen to you. Neither your daughter.”   
“What should I do?” This question was more for Peter.   
“Just dropped the gun on the counter, and get out of the bar with your hands in the air and get on your knees. They won't hurt you and I-I won't press charges.”   
As he walked out of the bar without the gun, you turned and hugged Peter like it was the last time. You broke in tears in his arms, he did his best not to let in own tears falling. “It's over, love. It's over.” He whispered in your eyes. You held him for several seconds, but the two of you had to get out of the bar. He took the gun with his fingertips and let you led the way. When you got out, you saw some cops taking Gary in their car and then you saw Sonny running to you. You jumped in his arms, happy to be alive and seeing him again. He hold you tight and kissed you in the neck before taking your face in his hands.   
“Oh my god, I've ever been so scared in my entire life. Are you hurt?”   
“No, I'm okay.” You tried not to cry even more. Olivia got close to you with Peter, you took a step away from Sonny.   
“Carisi, drive Y/N to the precinct. I'm taking Peter.” 

Sonny put his arm around your wrist to walk you to his car but Peter grabbed your hand and quickly brought you in his arms. He hold you close, kissed your hair. You've always felt secure in his arms. You let a few tears get out of your eyes. Peter looked at Sonny who was watching. He gave him a look that meant “She's mine.”   
Peter felt you are still in love with him, he is not going to give up before the two of your are back together. Because in Peter's mind, you are meant to be.


End file.
